One Orca, One Mission...

I want to start by letting you know this
because of you my life has a purpose
you helped be who i am today
I see myself in every word you say
Sometimes it feels like nobody gets me
Trapped in a world where everyone hates me
There's so much that I'm going through
I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you

[Chorus]
I was broken
I was choking
I was lost
This Song saved my life
I was bleeding stopped believing
could have died
This song saved my life
I was down
I was drowning
but it came on just in time
this song saved my life

Sometimes I feel like you've known me forever
You always know how to make me feel better
Because of you my dad and me
are so much closer than we used to be
You're my escape when I'm stuck in a small town
I turn you up whenever I feel down
you let me know like no one else
That it's okay to be myself

[Chorus]
I was broken
I was choking
I was lost
This Song saved my life
I was bleeding stopped believing
could have died
This song saved my life
I was down
I was drowning
but it came on just in time
this song saved my life

You'll never know what it means to me
that I'm not alone
That I'll never have to be

[Chorus]
I was broken
I was choking
I was lost
This Song saved my life
I was bleeding stopped believing
could have died
This song saved my life
I was down
I was drowning
but it came on just in time
this song saved my life


Another song that has gone into my favourites playlist!
Song: This song saved my life (by) Simple Plan

Yup, the guy who lives over the road from me has made me feel a bit better, as I helped him partly assemble his table saw :) Bit out of the blue, but it was fun, maybe that is what my life is missing, I need to be building, fixing or modifying stuff! Although Sorca is on hold as I need another pair of hands for my next task, which makes me feel like I might as well give up now, as finding someone to help me is impossible. So I'm just waiting for something to break on the Volvo to cleanse my frustration and be fixed. I'm like a mechanic with an empty workshop for the day, yes, it's that boring!

Is a question I ask to anyone reading this, why am I the one that is ignored, I've tried my hardest to be the best friend anyone has ever had, I go out of my way to be as nice as I can and all I seem to get back is nothing. Does anyone know what a friend is anymore?

Would you miss me if I stopped being active, I stopped posting here, stopped tweeting and stopped appearing on MSN, but I don't truly know if you would or not, so this will be my last post for a while, I'm going to stop tweeting, and stop using MSN, if you know how to get hold of me then do so, but I will not exist until you make me exist.

Most "friends" won't even read this, you can show it to them if you like or if you really don't like me you can tell everybody I'm dead!

I love this song by Say Anything:

Admit it!
Despite your pseudo-bohemian appearance
And vaguely leftist doctrine of beliefs
You know nothing about art or sex
That you couldn’t read in any trendy New York underground fashion magazine
Prototypical non-conformist
You are a vacuous soldier of the thrift store Gestapo
You adhere to a set of standards and tastes
That appear to be determined by an unseen panel of hipster judges (bullshit)
Giving a thumbs up or thumbs down to incoming and outgoing trends and styles of music and art
Go analog baby, you’re so post-modern
You’re diving face forward into a antiquated past
It’s disgusting, it's offensive, don’t stick your nose up at me

Yeah, what do you have to say for yourself?
Whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah
Yeah, what do you have to say for yourself?
Whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah

You spend your time sitting in circles with your friends
Pontificating to each other
Forever competing for that one moment of self-aggrandizing glory
In which you hog the intellectual spotlight
Holding dominion over the entire shallow pointless conversation
Oh, we’re not worthy
When you walk by a group of quote-unquote normal people
You chuckle to yourself patting yourself on the back as you scoff
It's the same superiority complex
Shared by the high school jocks who made your life a living hell
And makes you a slave to the competitive capitalist dogma
You spend every moment of your waking life bitching about

Yeah, what do you have to say for yourself?
Whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah
And I say yeah, what do you have to say for yourself?
Whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah

'Cause I’m proud of my life and the things that I have done
Proud of myself and the loner I’ve become
You’re free to whine, it will not get you far
I do just fine, my car and my guitar

Proud of my life and the things that I have done
Proud of myself and the loner I’ve become
You’re free to whine, it will not get you far
I do just fine, my car and my guitar, yeah

Well let me tell you this, I am shamelessly self-involved
I spend hours in front of the mirror, making my hair elegantly disheveled
I worry about how this album will sell
Because I believe it will determine the amount of sex I will have in the future
I self medicate with drugs and alcohol to treat my extreme social anxiety

You are a faker (admit it)
You are a fraud (admit it)
Yeah, you’re living a lie (hey) living a lie (hey) you’re life is living a lie
You don’t impress me (admit it)
You don’t intimidate me (admit it)
Why don’t you bow down, get on the ground, walk this fucking plank (yeah!)

Yeah, what do you have to say for yourself
Whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah
And I say yeah (what do you..)

Proud of my life and the things that I have done
Proud of myself and the loner I’ve become
You’re free to whine, it will not get you far
I do just fine, my car and my..
Guitar, guitar go!

I drift, drift, drift, drift, drift, yeah
I drift, drift, drift, drift, drift, yeah oh

And I am done with this
I wanna taste the breeze of every great city
My car and my guitar
My car and my guitar
So you'll come to be, made of these urges unfulfilled
Oh no, no, no, no, no
When I'm dead I'll rest
When I'm dead I'll rest, lay still
When I'm dead I'll rest, I'll rest
When I'm dead I'll rest, I'll rest
When I'm dead I'll rest, I'll rest
When I'm dead I'll rest, I'll rest

Have a think..

...

...any ideas?

I have a few, It's becoming more common that people aren't going out as much as they used to. Answer: Internet, TV and phones, let me explain..

People don't have to go food shopping, it comes to them.
You don't have to go out to talk to people, you can do it via video chat.
To talk to anyone not within your reach, just phone them where ever you are, not get home and use the land line.
Also you don't need to use a computer to be on the internet, most of us carry it around with us.
Buying electrical goods, no going down the shop and lifting it into your own car, get it delivered without leaving the chair.
Rent a film, by going down the video shop, oh wait, I'll just download it from a video shop in my TV.
I could go on for quite a bit more.

Now that we don't have to go far to do anything these days, our bodies and minds are becoming lazy and stubborn and we just don't want to do anything anymore. They should of stopped advancing phones when they could take photos, TV should be a satellite dish and you pick a channel, and record it to a DVD for later, then go rent a film from the video shop. I'll admit the internet has it's uses, but it should be a last resort and we go to the shop to buy stuff, rather than the shop comes to us.

I wish I could live in the 90's forever, everything was perfect, this modern day and age is just so shit. This is why I believe I'm fading out of most peoples lives, because I don't want to keep up with the modern age, oh well, I hope to be lonely when I die, then my funeral won't have to be televised, as you lazy people can't even be bothered to come to it by then, even the vicar will be a prerecorded message.

I need to get motivated to do tasks that make things better for myself, currently I'm just so run down with everything I can't be arsed to do anything. All I do is work, eat and sleep, what a life eh?
So I've decided, starting next week to get myself into gear and do things that need to be done, like give the Volvo a service and fix all the broken bits as it's falling apart with lack of care, gotta do the timing belt on it soon, so may do that at the same time, then treat him to a full valet once he's all fixed.
I also gotta get around to book an eye test, cause apparently I shouldn't be legally allowed to drive with my eyesight, so you may see me with glasses soon, I'm sure I'll still look cool :P
I have laundry issues too, so they will have to be dealt with as I keep buying clean clothes rather than washing them, plus my room needs some sort of tidy.

I've got a nice relaxing weekend away from my life, forgetting all my problems for a bit, then jumping on them when I get back before they suffocate me again.

And spend all my time getting ready for my HGV training, or should I stick with my crappy job so there will be no gaps in my career history, but I can say the gap was because I wanted to focus on training.

I only ask this as I try to be very loyal to my work, I haven't made any mistakes since I started, few parking tickets but they happen, I do what I'm told and look after what I drive. But am being used and abused by being forced to do over 10 hour days, to cover for another driver when I'm not even a relief driver. It's making me tired, stressed and angry but I haven't a clue what I can do about it and what makes things worse I don't get paid for working over my 8 hours a day limit. I enjoy the work but that turns into aggravation when my hard work is taken advantage of and the extra I do is voluntary. No one wants to work for free right?

Hmm, only 3 weeks to go until my 2nd anniversary of being single and I'm going to celebrate this one in a happy way, unlike last year where I tried to kill myself, so now my cup is always half full. (hmm, that reminds me, I'll need to find my mate to be my other half to fill my cup right up, but that can wait). I've learnt from my mistakes in my past, found myself again, and prepared to live a life I choose. I can't change the world, but if I make myself better, I can have a better chance of changing the world for some people.
I want to be there for anyone, the kind, caring and listening person that I am, will shine out of me and into others, I want to make everyone's day just that 1% better and I will go 101% out of my way to do that.

I may only be one person to the world, but I may also be the world to one person.

I've signed up for a HGV course, this is it, in two months I'll be in a proper career doing what I love to do. Then life should just fall into place and things will be great, I've never been so excited!

Well the hair has been cut and shaped, but I'm not saying anymore than that :P

So yep done nothing but sleep all weekend as predicted, I wish my weekend could be more fun or something, I just don't know what to do with them. Tho there is a furmeet next weekend, and I don't think I'll be missing it.

Right, as you may or may not be aware, it's Friday! So the weekend is upon us, my question is what are you doing? Tonight I'm going out for dinner, prolly Tesco or Asda and buy crap and come back here and.. not sure yet. Saturday, not sure yet. Sunday, not sure yet. WOW my life is filled with so many exciting things to do! May do a road trip or something if I can be bothered or I may sleep all weekend like last weekend. Tho I may see what that snooker & pool club I found in Staines is like. Altho sleeping sounds the best idea.

Then Monday, I may get my haircut, what do you think I should do with the blonde mop that I call hair? I'm thinking dreadlocks or pigs tails!

I'm not one for websites, it takes me years to understand them, and when a really confusing site come along that I sign up to, like Facebook, should I continue using it? All I get are emails that are a load of crap, it's the biggest pile of shit out there, that and anyone who doesn't like me which seems to be no one somehow. I've tried to get my head round it, even read the 'Facebook for Dummies guide' and still nothing.

The question is, should I stay on Facebook even if I don't use it (because I can't), just because everyone else is on there or delete it from my life and reduce my inbox size.

I'm even tempted to do the same with Twitter, but it's easier to use although not really sure of the point of it, if I ask a general question and no one seems to care. Tho it's nice to see what my close friends are up to :)

And last but not least Livejournal, which has been a good friend to me for ages now even if everyone says it's old school, which fit's me perfectly *hugs the LJ account*

Well after today, it appears that an agressive dog, who attacks me at least once a week, is praised for doing so, and I get hated and blamed for it, I'm not sure what I can do about it, is it possible to get some outside animal help? I just want to understand why I am the only one that is attacked and why am I hated so much when he attacks me, I've done nothing wrong. If it happens badly again I am tempted to hurt him or call up the RSPCA for advise as I'm sure something can be done to remove him or have him put down, I couldn't care which.

The thing that pisses me off most is that everyone sticks up for the dog and I get blamed for it when I've done nothing wrong. Surely I can take some sort of action or receive some sort of help to make things okay, I've never felt like such a victim in my own home (if I can call it that).

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and it feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and it feels so rough
And you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

[x2]
Somebody
(I used to know)
Somebody
(Now you're just somebody that I used to know)

(I used to know)
(That I used to know)
(I used to know)
Somebody

This is such an awesome song by Gotye called Somebody that I used to know, and I can relate to it quite well :)

This week I finally said no to my boss, they were going to make me a relief driver (not like I already am) but for the whole depot, I would have to know 50+ rounds and know the entry and exit procedures to over 300 banks off by heart, for an extra £50 a month, I already know 15 rounds and 70 banks already because of my willingness, as I should only know 2 rounds and 15 banks like all the other drivers who deal with the same bank I do.
I just don't want the hassle of being messed about everyday not knowing what I will be doing that day, and now I have a feeling that they don't want me there anymore, I'm getting minimal conversation out of my manager because I foiled his plans, and he's picking up on the tiniest thing that he can moan to me about, so it's time to start job hunting again before I end up without a job.

I really love these lyrics:

Last night I had a dream we were inseparably entwined
Like a piece of rope made out of two pieces of vine
Held together, holding each other with no one else in mind
Like 2 atoms in a molecule inseparably combined

But then I woke from the dream to realize I was alone
A tragic event I must admit but let's not be overblown
I'm not trying to write a love song just a sad, pathetic moan
Maybe I just need a change, maybe I just need a new cologne

So now I look at love like being stabbed in the heart
You torture each other from day to day and then one day you part
Most of the time it's misery but there's some joy at the start
Oh for that I'd say it's worth it, just use a blade that's short and sharp on me

I mean if love is just a game then how come it's no fun
If love is just a game how come I've never won
I guess maybe it's possible I might be playing it wrong
And that's why every time I roll the dice I always come undone

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
When the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'til then I walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up when everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

So February the 14th, one of my favourite days of the year is fast approaching, and I was poking about online to see what other single people do on this day and found most people do something for themselves. Which is a really good idea, so I'm going to have the day to treat myself and give a little love to myself, tho I won't be sending myself a card :P After all, I deserve a treat for being strong and eventually finding myself again, you would not believe how happy the last 2 months have made me. I'm living my life again, making a ton of friends online and things are going well.
Anyway back to Tuesday, my plans are, gonna get pizza, a nice fun film and snuggle down with my favourite orca and we'll watch it together, then spend the rest of the evening talking till we fall asleep, it's going to be lovely, I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy inside just thinking about it :)
If you are single, what will you be doing? or will you just ignore it and pretend it's another day? If you're in a relationship, then I'm guessing it'll be a similar evening to mine hehe

Thanks for your time to read this, I may not even know you, but you're the kind of people who have helped make me happy, and I think you from the bottom of my heart.

Soo... I'm going to see what happens, nothing more than likely hehe, but really, I'm doing it to make friends and maybe find 'The One'. Can you describe my personality? Because I'm lost of where to start and I want to be honest with these people, after all they are strangers.